I’m shamefully content.
I’m angry that I live in a country where science is not heeded by government officials.
I’m shamefully content that I probably won’t be the one to die because I am educated.
I’m angry that I live in a society that is so grossly inequitable that children who live on the margins of it have to worry about food security during a pandemic.
I’m shamefully content in the joy the unexpected opportunity to spend time cooking my favorite recipes has brought me.
I’m angry that my students’ hard-working families will struggle for ends to meet for a time yet undetermined.
I’m shamefully content that my paycheck will continue to show up in my bank account because a way for me to work from home is being made.
I’m angry that I have been sitting at home for over a week without permission to teach my babies as a solution is found for me to do my job without my input.
I’m shamefully content in the rest this time away has given me.
I’m angry that our school year was brought to a screeching halt right at the moment that children blossom in early childhood classrooms after months of lovingly nurturing them.
I’m shamefully content that if I fail at this juncture, families are places where children learn, too.
I’m angry that I am not learning from and growing with my school colleagues.
I’m shamefully content with the online content that is being created in the midst of this crisis and in my ability to access it when others cannot.
I’m angry that my summer plans will probably not come to fruition, that I will not build relationships or fulfill contracts that would have brought me emotional and financial overflow.
I’m shamefully content in knowing the meaning of enough and that I possess it in a time of scarcity.
I’m angry that I am struggling to read and write because I cannot focus.
I’m shamefully content knowing that when the anxiety wanes I have shelves of books and plenty of Moleskines waiting.
I’m angry that I have to distance myself from the people I love.
I’m shamefully content that I have found peace in the independence that over a decade of living in rural Alaska grew within me.
I’m so incredibly angry.
I’m so shamefully, blessedly content.
7 thoughts on “COVID-19’s Got Me Feeling Some Kind of Way”
Your post has expertly captured all the feelings I’ve been having during this health/world crisis. The hand wringing, the conflicting feelings, all of it. “families are places where children learn, too.” All of it – such beautiful and true words! Thank You.
I love the way you write! I can feel what you’re feeling through your writing. This speaks to me and expresses what I feel in a way I could not have. Love you much! From your only real Uncle!
Hell yes. And, hell no. At the same time. You write the truth with lots of heart. My version would be a bit different in retirement but I like the poles of feelings stuck together like the N and S of a magnet.
Thank you for putting this into words!
This is the paradox we’re all holding right now (and if we’re not, we should be) and you frame it so beautifully. Write on, my friend, you have such a gift.